$200 of Education is Actually Priceless

As of Tuesday we've started down the road of baby having classes. Just like I could train to be about anything else, I now qualify to train for having a baby. As if the 'Childbirth Educator' knew of my cynicism in advance, in the first class we watched a video about childbirth through the ages--with voice over video of art showing birth. Sculptures, paintings, illustrations, video from 1940s AMA ads for twilight sleep deliveries...

That's when things got disturbing. Nothing like seeing a 1940s birth with forceps to wake up a crowd. It was at about this point that they started weaving in more birth video clips and Ajay made some sort of 'Ack' or 'Bleck'-type noise and said something about the babies coming out looking greasy. That's when I realized that this reality check is why they tell you to bring your spouse. Seeing guppies being born as the extent of his qualifications for helping with birth, this class might be even more important for him than me.

"Ms. Watters, Your Tummy's Big Like You're Having A Baby..."

So, apparently 5th graders are a little slower on the uptake than the older middle school crowd (perhaps with good reason they're kept separated in the basement of the building...), but last week one of the kids observantly pointed out that my tummy was big like I was having a baby, not just getting fat. I was glad for the clarification.

Indeed, the belly grows and I keep drinking more water and slathering on more belly butter hoping that the memories will of this will last without leaving a road map of stretch marks. Friend is busy kicking and punching daily, perfecting a mixed martial arts routine fit for The Octagon, and I keep moving more slowly... hefting around this much more weight is tiresome.

I'm starting to get used to sleeping on my side, and I think that I might have found the right combination of Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear-sized pillows to get me through the night. I have a Snoogle (don't ask -- it's a curvy tube of pillow that is about as bad/sad as it sounds), a smooshy bed pillow, and a formerly decorative throw pillow that all work together to make bedtime better. It's still far from perfect, but it's a big improvement over thinking I'd have to sleep in the recliner.

The half-a-pound-a-week growth that baby should be doing these days is getting obvious from the outside -- things have reached their limits vertically (I like to tell myself this even if it's not true), and the man is pushing outward. My pelvis is spreading and that's about as comfortable as it sounds, and I've read that my ribs might be next, so I'm hopeful that he decides moving outward for the next 9 or 10 weeks is best for all involved.

Tiny Fists of Fury

There was a Seinfeld episode where Kramer was taking martial arts classes and when Jerry and Elaine found out he was actually in a children's class he said something about the kids' tiny fists of fury. I think that's what Chickpea is up to--martial arts training.

We went out to Sambuca (great desserts and live jazz) with Ajay's friends from business school last night, I took my preventive TUMS before heading out, got good parking, and we were even seated without a wait. Then... tap, tap, tap. After that, ...TAP, TAP, TAP! Then there was knocking, squirming, kicking, rolling, punching, pushing, and flipping. Because Mister has developed some strong bones and has yet to be fully fattened up, all of this made for some seriously uncomfortable conversation. He'd move right and up, I'd lean left and back. He'd roll forward and jab, I'd curl forward. I gave up at 10 and drove home before the rest of the crowd. Defeated by baby-to-be of under 3#, I crawled into bed and... wouldn't you know it--he stopped.

All signs point to this being what I've heard called a "Challenge Child" -- the type that makes parents wonder why this seemed like a good idea, and actively question whether the universe has it in for them. Or, maybe he simply doesn't like jazz.

The Little Things

Oh, the small delights of pregnancy! As I gimp along like an aged athlete (with the middle to match that of most former greats), I have to delight in the small victories in life. This evening my pleasure comes in the form of some berry TUMS.

Don't get me wrong--TUMS have been great for a number of years. Great enough that I've developed a preference for the mixed berry boxes. There's purple-blue berry chalk, purple-pink berry chalk, and a Pepto pink berry chalk. All of these are FAR superior to the original TUMS non-berry flavored chalk colors.

Anyway, because I am ensuring my future bone strength and that of Little Man, and because foods I love no longer love me (onions, garlic, spicy sausage!! oh, spicy sausage!!), we have invested in the double-wide of TUMS bottles--complete with 200 tablets. With so many chalky little delights to choose from I am able (for the time being) to choose four tablets that ALL MATCH! I can select the flavor of my choice and don't have to mix! Imagine the pleasure that simple choice can bring and you might start to see where I'm coming from.

It's a small thing, but... seriously, with all the random little pains I've been having, matching my TUMS makes for a GREAT end to the day (not to mention that this means I get to have a baked potato with EVERYTHING on top)!

Whoa, Nelly!

As if my body is a step ahead of my brain, on Thursday it knew exactly what time it was: 3rd trimester time! My back started to ache a bit (front goes out and so does the back), my left hand and wrist had some prickly tingling (pregnancy carpal tunnel? Maybe I just sleep on it the wrong way sometimes...), and I thought that I'd pulled a muscle in my bottom (seems almost possible?)... until a sharp pain started to shoot down my left leg. Welcome, 3rd trimester!

I go in for a glucose test tomorrow and will ask Nurse Linda, the midwife, if I'm right, but my diagnosis is pregnancy sciatica. It now hurts to walk, stand, or sit, so I've taken the weekend lying down and we've called Ajay's friends who are physical therapists and I've got some interesting stretches and massages to do (one includes sitting and gyrating on a tennis ball). The best solution is to have the baby because it's unlikely to completely 'resolve' until then. Ah, the delights. Apparently, because ligaments are loose, the muscles get a little out of sorts. For the percentage of the ppopulation that has the sciatic nerve running through this muscle group, this is a common problem. I know--LUCKY ME!

As further evidence of the root of the 'problems' I present the growing belly. A rather odd, box-like shape at present, but I'm not going to complain. The belly button is still facing IN, so all is well!

Leapin' Lizards!

In the future baby room there are bookcases that cover the better part of a wall. They're the attached to the wall variety--you know, for stability and such--and they're not moving. One of the nice things about them is that, with books removed, they make great storage cubbies.

Having a baby means needing more storage for more stuff, so the books have been moved and I've found some baskets that fit perfectly into the spaces. The baskets, however, needed some minor adjustments to go from decorative to functional. (No one wants a baby getting a sliver from clothing stored in a willow basket.) So, thanks to a fantastic sale at the Jo-Ann Superstore, I picked up six different prints made for quilting for about $2.99 a yard. My favorite by far is the green frog print, but they're all cute and now the baskets are safe for the storage of kid essentials.

Many of these kid essentials will be coming to us from California later this month when Ajay's friends from business school come to Nashville for this year's get together. A very good thing about not being the first of our friends to go down this path is that those who've gone before come with advice and gear to share.